Year: 2012

All Is Well

Tina 2 Comments

Also known as: Lessons from a Bollywood movie

Hello. It’s been a while.

I meant to blog, I really do, but as always, life gets in the way. I’ve got a list of things I told myself I’d write about since last April, but we’re almost at the end of May and I’ve only written one post, one of which wasn’t even in the list. So if you’re one of the three readers of this blog, forgive me for being so silent in the past weeks.

Truth be told, I also don’t have much to say now. Oh, I have a list of things I know I should blog about — like getting a new toy, running with zombies, going to Boracay for the first time and that awesomely fun time I had with my book club friends last weekend (one that merits a post here instead of the book blog — that’s a big thing). I have drafts of those posts in my mind, and I can write them now if I wanted to, but that’s the thing: I kind of don’t want to.

Not yet, anyway.

Maybe it’s because my vacation wasn’t exactly the most stellar vacation I wished for (oh it was fun. It just had a series of very unfortunate events that made it a bit more memorable than I wanted it to be). Maybe it’s because I’m still in some sort of suspension now with that toy I mentioned, and the unfortunate accident that involved that and some saltwater is still fresh on my mind. Maybe it’s because the sudden lack of a certain routine that I got used to for a certain time jarred me. Maybe, it’s also because I am currently wrestling with my lungs after a sudden bout of asthma attack that’s kept me struggling for breath (literally) for the past days on a week when there are things that I want (and need) to do that does not involve going home and resting.

Ah, don’t you hate it when things like these happen? I feel trapped, and all I feel like doing is snuggling under the covers and sleeping, if only sleep can cure all these wheezes and waiting and silence these thoughts away. I just really want to lie down and do nothing. Okay, maybe throw a tiny pity party for myself for reasons I cannot even determine. I’m pretty sure this isn’t hormones, so don’t even go there.

But wait. I’m not trying to be depressing.

Last weekend, I finally sat down and watched 3 Idiots, this Bollywood movie recommended to me a few weeks ago. Now, to the people who know me, I’m not really a movie person, much less movies that aren’t, you know, from Hollywood. But because I was curious (and a previous recommendation from the same person was pretty much a hit for me), I decided to watch it. It was a fun and silly (and long) movie, but of all the lessons it had, there was one that struck me the most. If I may quote:

The heart scares easily. You have to trick it. However big the problem, tell your heart, “All is well, pal.”

*cue hand to heart*

But anyway, I wrote that line in my phone so I could think about it further after the movie was done. Of course, there were lots of instances in the movie that emphasized this point (including a seriously cheesy Bollywood dance sequence), and it provided me with a lot of material (a flood, even!), but I found myself saying that line over and over again to myself in the last days to remind myself that, Hey, all is well, pal.

I’d like to believe that it isn’t a way of deluding myself and believing things that are not what they are now. It’s not even that bad, for goodness’ sake. I guess I’m just getting a beating that I didn’t expect, but it’s not a bad, bad beating that it would pull me down. (Except maybe, if I get a really bad asthma attack all of a sudden :P For that, I have to rest a bit.)

But the point is that: whatever happens, no matter how I feel physically, emotionally, mentally (and even financially), I have to remember that all is well. Because it is. Even if it doesn’t seem like it. If it’s not, then all will be well.

Because it will be.

Right?

Enter the Silence

Tina 6 Comments

Also known as: Keeping it quiet

This is no secret: I am talkative.

People often hear me before they see me. I laugh out loud. I talk too much, I talk too often. I don’t know how to ask questions. I am loud, hardly demure, and practically all of my friends know some kind of story about me, and there’s always some kind of anecdote that I can share in the past twenty-six years of my life.

I talk. And as expected, this gets me in trouble.

Not trouble trouble, but enough trouble to make me regret talking in the first place. Enough trouble to make me wish that I was not the talkative type, that I had learned to shut up, that I was demure, that I will probably make all my friends tired of me soon enough because I can’t seem to control my need to talk and need to tell stories ((Note that this is different from gossiping — I talk about too many things about myself, not necessarily about other people)).

Of course, talking is a way to vent. And there is really nothing like good conversations with good friends…but do I really, honestly have to always have a story to tell? Do I always have to talk about something, to tell someone about every single detail that is happening in my life?

Why can’t I keep anything to myself for a change?

So just recently, there were some things and happenings in my life that proved yet again that my talking led to the disturbance of my own peace. Maybe it’s because my talking leads to people offering opinions (unavoidable) which I truly honor and am grateful for, but I also feel like I should heed these advice because they were given with the best intentions. But a part of me doesn’t feel like doing it, because in my heart of hearts, I know that it shouldn’t be a factor in any decision or move I make.

Okay, I’m talking in codes here, but let me summarize it: my talking too much leads to people also talking and it makes me feel upset, like I should do something, like if I don’t do anything, I will lose it all.

It’s hard because I’m really, really trying to listen to what God wants me to do, to listen and follow His will. I’m really, really trying, but I have a very strong feeling that the person hindering Him the most is me.

It’s kind of sad when you get to a realization like that, when you know that the entire mess you are in is really your fault. My tendency to fix things and clean things up make me even more jittery, until I took a deep breath and told myself to just stop.

Stop and enter the silence.

I read this verse in an article a few months ago, and I remember not being able to relate much to it before, but I took note of it. Perhaps the reason I took note of it then was because I would need it now? (Emphasis mine)

God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It’s a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It’s a good thing when you’re young to stick it out through the hard times. When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions: Wait for hope to appear.
(Lamentations 3:25-29, The Message)

That’s the thing. I hardly enter the silence. I like talking, I like conversing with people, but sometimes, when life gets hard and heavy to take, what else can I do but enter the silence?

It’s hard. Especially for a person like me. But sometimes, when your heart is about to burst, when you’re so scared that you can hardly move, when there are too many voices in your head that tells you what to do next and makes you want to do the first seemingly reasonable thing to do from them, it’s time to stop. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions.

It’s hard for someone like me.

But not impossible.

So if you’re in the same boat, hold on. Stop talking. Still your heart, pray for peace, and enter the silence. In this silence, you will hear the only voice that matters, the One who can and definitely will send hope.

Today is the day the Lord has made

Tina Leave a comment

Also known as: Easter 2012

…let us rejoice and be glad in it!

And so another Lent and Holy Week came and went, and it is now time for my favorite season, Easter. I used to say that I liked Advent and Christmas more than Lent and Easter, but now I’ve grown up (a bit :D), I realize that I may just love Lent and Easter more. Not that Advent and Christmas aren’t equally important as Lent and Easter, but the latter seasons are pretty much the defining moment of my faith, of our faith. Without Lent and Easter, Christmas means nothing.

Alleluia!
ALLELUIA! (Risen Christ image at St. Pio Center, Libis)

Lent. I meant to post more about how my Lent was, but March’s events got me so busy that I hardly found the time to post. I tried, but you know, it wasn’t easy especially when I was always out. But I didn’t take Lent easy this year. I tried something new, which I think are efforts that were blessed. I’ll post about it in the next few days (I promise!), but suffice to say: this Lent is probably the most meaningful one I’ve ever had.

Triduum. For the first time since I can remember, I managed to participate in as many church activities that I can during the Triduum. There was the usual Maundy Thursday mass, followed by Stations of the Cross on Good Friday (with actual crosses!) and Veneration of the Cross, and finally, Easter Vigil on Black Saturday. I used to think that Good Friday and Black Saturday were best spent at home in silence and reflection. But all the podcasts I listened to were right — the real best way to really and truly understand and feel the Passion, Death and Resurrection of Jesus is to attend these activities because the Holy Week is meant to be spent in community with the church. :)

I can’t remember the last time I felt a holy kind of excitement in my heart until the Easter Vigil at our parish last night, and my heart was thrilled when the lights in the church were turned on. If I could shout, I would probably shout “Alleluia!” out loud. :)

Then, Easter Sunday. Bright and sunny (and hot!), and it felt like everyone was so full of cheer. Like there’s a new beginning.

And you know what? I think there really is a new beginning offered to each one of us. Because Jesus Christ had conquered death, we are free. And most of all, we are loved. :)

The best and most tangible feeling of this freedom: I gave up some things for Lent — these things aren’t bad things, but things that I could live without. It was hard to give up, and I broke my fast a few times. I almost thought I wouldn’t make it until Easter. But when Easter finally rolled around, doing the things I gave up again felt like such a huge gift. It felt like I was suddenly free to do those things again, when the only thing stopping me from doing those things were myself in the past 5-6 weeks. It’s like things were made new again. I was given another chance to live, but this time mindful of the fact that I should do these things I gave up for Lent for His glory and not mine because my Savior suffered so much to set me free. :)

See. I love Easter. How can you not love Easter?

Happy Easter, my dear friends. Today is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it. Jesus has risen, indeed. May this Easter bring you new hope and new beginnings. :) Alleluia!