Dear Diary – Page 23 – tinamats.com

2012 Mixtape

December 12, 2012December 12, 2012 Tina 2 Comments

Also known as: The requisite 12-12-12 post
Can also be called: My 2012 soundtrack

I am a sucker for dates like this, so I cannot let 12-12-12 pass by without posting something at exactly 12:12. ((if it’s exact by the second, I do not know, because WordPress doesn’t have that by the second setting. So let’s just assume that it was posted at exactly 12:12:12)) I was thinking of something inane to post, something random like my Leap Day post, and then I realized that I should probably start my 2012 recaps early because who knows how busy I will be by year-end?

I’m gonna go all hipster and make my 12-12-12 post a mixed-tape / my 2012 soundtrack post. But a side note first: You know I never really made mixed-tapes when I was younger? :D I made mixed CDs, yes, but I never made mixed-tapes. I did, however, record shows and songs from the radio especially when I liked the songs — I remember this time when I recorded Backstreet Boys’ version of I’ll Never Find Someone Like You and listened to it over and over and over and over again.

But I digress. I’m far from a musical person, really, and I only sing when I am forced to/bored/really feeling the song. However, I am almost, always listening to something when I am free. It may be a defense mechanism so I won’t have to talk to anyone when I’m outside, but more often than not, I listen to songs so keep my mind from wandering everywhere. I have yet to learn keeping my mind still in the silence, but for now, let me have my music.

2012mixedtape — [original image from we heart it]

So for this post, my first recap for 2012, I have 12 songs that will remind me of 2012 every time I listen to them. ((Or you know, some songs I played on repeat at certain times during the year.)) It’s not necessarily one song per month, even if it may seem like it. ((My research tells me that in January, I was still listening to some leftover 2011 songs that I should’ve let go when the year started. :P))

Also, warning: lots of ~feelings~ in these songs. Haha. :P You were warned!

1. There is a Reason by Caedmon’s Call (Overdressed)

[youtube uK8VyNB3_mg]

For the lonely nights and broken hearts
The widow’s mite in the rich man’s hand
And the continent whose blood becomes a traitor
For the child afraid to close their eyes
The prayers that seem unanswered
There is a reason, there is a reason

If I made a similar post last year, this song would be on that list, too. This song reminds me that…well, there is a reason for everything, and God makes all things good.

Write me a letter

December 7, 2012December 7, 2012 Tina 3 Comments

Also known as: Post-Letters Out Loud thoughts

I heard about Letters Out Loud while I was ~~stalking~~ reading author Marla Miniano‘s twitter account because I was anxious to get her new book. I blame it on this pep talk she wrote for the NaNoWriMo Philippines, which resonated so much with me that it was almost funny. So I heard about the event, this curious “let’s read letters we wrote out loud” event, and thought, Hey, maybe I should go.

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to, at first, until I asked some friends to go with me. I thought it was interesting, if not a little sentimental. I try not to be too sentimental nowadays for some personal reasons, but I told myself that this might be a fun event, and and it’s free, so I’m not really losing anything by going. Time to embrace my inner romantic, I told myself.

The funny thing was, I totally forgot how much letters meant to me this year. I honestly thought that I was just allowing myself to be romantic/sentimental by going to this, and then it hit me how some letters have changed my life recently. When I remembered that, I knew I would go — there is no way I would miss this event now.

I like letters. When I was a kid, I would write letters to almost everyone — my parents (from I love you’s to I’m sorry’s), my brother (which I think he never really read, haha), to friends, and to someone named “Diary” in the privacy of my own room. I would write letters to friends about random things. I loved the letter-writing activities we had, I loved snail mail, I loved making pen pals. There was a time when my high school friends and I would write to each other every single day, and mornings were made for distributing letters to everyone. My elementary school best friend moved to the US when we were in high school, and I would spend hours writing letters to her, detailing everything that happened in my day. I would wait eagerly for her reply, reading and rereading several times until I get her next one. I made time for retreat letters when we reached junior year in high school, making sure I wrote substantial letters to the people who matter to me, and good enough letters for those who I am not necessarily close with. I love receiving and reading letters to me and I kept them all in a box in my room, a reminder of the good things and the bad things all preserved in pieces of paper and messy handwriting.

NaNoWriMo 2012

December 2, 2012December 2, 2012 Tina 3 Comments

Also known as: My NaNoWriMo 2012 experience

True story: I almost gave up on NaNoWriMo this year.

2012 is my 9th NaNoWriMo year, but I was not in the mood. At all. I don’t know why, really, except that I have been fighting NaNoWriMo burn out since 2009. I’ve been trying and trying again in hopes of finding that spark again, but every time the month of November ends since then, I just wanted to get it all over with and forget everything that I have written.

So this year, I only joined for the sake of joining, and because I am one of the Municipal Liaisons for the region and we already had plans for the year. It was too late for me to not do it, and I also wanted to guide our new ML since it’s his first time. But if you ask me to be honest, I admit that my heart was not in it. Not this year.

In the past years, NaNoWriMo took first priority when November rolled around. This year, I had to pay attention to other things, especially since a big work project came and it required most of my attention during the day. Then there were other new responsibilities, like community and the book club and well…everything else in life just took place first. Like I said, my heart wasn’t in writing my novel anymore, so I kind of slacked off. And I felt bad.

I started writing a novel in blog format entitled Decaf Nation, which was supposed to be my 2011 project but I scrapped. I thought this year should be easier since it’s a blog and it should be easier to update…but again, when your heart is not in it, it’s really just hard to get writing. I lost steam by the first week, and stopped writing. That was embarrassing, because the novel is posted in public, and I knew people were reading it. (I’m sorry, guys) I hate leaving things, but I could not make myself write another word because I was partly annoyed at my main character. :/

Somewhere around mid November, I read some of my old NaNoWriMo posts and I marveled at how I was so excited for things. I can’t pull them from anywhere within me anymore and I realized my burn out might be worse than I thought. I felt bad especially since I am one of the Municipal Liaisons, and I should set an example, and I have two co-MLs, too. I told myself that I would try harder again, but I have a feeling I would lose anyway, so I won’t try that hard. I will just probably let things be, and see what happens.

And then. I opened my 2011 novel.