Last Saturday was another book discussion day for me with my awesome friends from my awesome book club. It was another awesome day (I use this adjective a lot, I know), and I’ll talk about it in the book blog. One of our activities in that discussion was to pick song verses that describe a specific moment in our past, be it good or bad. It was a hard thing to do, since I have so many songs that were really more like life anthems, but after a lot of thinking, I finally chose a song and submitted it before I chickened out. I remember thinking, It’s going to be a bit hard explaining this, and I thought of writing a blog entry about it before Saturday came, but I just didn’t have enough time.
Well, I didn’t really have a hard time explaining it after all, because as cheesy as it may sound, I took it all from the heart. I’ve always believed that for difficult situations and sharings, you just really have to be honest and say it all from the heart and people will see that effort and it will be okay. And I guess it pays when you pray about these things, too.
Anyway, my chosen song was one of Switchfoot‘s old songs: Playing for Keeps. Specifically, it’s these lines:
It’s kind of obvious with what my family and I went through almost 3 years ago. But thinking back, I realized that I never really liked the rain. You know those people who sang and danced and were just pretty joyful whenever the skies open up and release torrents (or not) of water on the earth? I’m not that kind of person. I can only count several times when I really, really liked the rain:
Back in elementary and high school, when rain meant no classes. (Didn’t everyone like this?)
On the second night of the YFC ILC in Davao back in 2006. We got rained in the first night and that got us all running for cover, but on the second night, the rain came right in the middle of a worship session and we just…stayed there and kept on singing. It was an amazing night despite all of us being soaked to the bone.
Right after the rain. (YFC South A, circa 2006)
And there I was, all smiles even if I was soaked. (Circa 2006)
And finally, there was that moment during the WYD 2011 vigil. Oh, I was scared at first, but after some time, I was able to calm down and maybe even appreciate the rain just a little bit. After all, we prayed for it, and God just gave the water to us.
Okay, so maybe other than that, there were several times that I liked the rain, and I felt like one of the many, many people who smile when the rain comes. But when you get flooded, and the sound of rains can set off a certain kind of fear in your heart…well, it’s kind of hard to find reasons to smile.
It’s the rainy season again in the Philippines, and as always, I’m wary of the impending rains and typhoons that will visit the country. This is one of the many, many times that I miss summer terribly and I can’t help but wish that summer here was just a bit longer. I can’t help but start weather watching again, checking the path of the typhoons and all that. I can’t help but sigh whenever I hear the rains when I wake up, and feel worried about how I’d get to work or how I’d get home.
But you know what? Lately, I feel that that part of me is…well, changing. Okay, maybe a part of it is because I got myself some trusty rain gear in the past months (rain boots from my brother and a pretty good rain jacket just a couple of weeks ago). Somehow, those things just give me comfort that I can at least commute without getting too soaked in the rain. I know this is shallow, but it’s given me a bit of confidence and its made me less annoyed whenever I have to go and commute in the rain.
And there’s another thing. I realized lately that the rains make me appreciate seeing the sun. You know how they say it — you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. Or something like that. But being under a rainy spell for a while makes me want to dance for joy whenever the sun decides to peek from the clouds and bless us with its beautiful, beautiful yellow warmth.
So maybe I’m not one of those people who dance in the rain. (I tried once, it wasn’t really my best moment. But I am willing to try again as long as someone dances with me ;) ) But I am one of those people who’s learning to see the rains for what they are — a necessary moment, a much-needed cleansing and a cooling respite that prepares us for when the sun comes out again. :)
Also known as: Where I admit something I am not really fond of admitting Can also be known as: Where I embarrass myself for being brutally honest
Now that I’m trying to blog a bit more, one of the things I tend to do is read my past entries in hopes of finding inspiration. It doesn’t always happen, where I write an entry to follow up an old post (I’m usually too lazy to do that), but it can also happen.
Like now.
So it’s been a few months since I wrote my current and favorite Valentine’s Day post. I still read that fondly, and I still believe every single word I wrote there and I still try my best to hold onto every single thing I said with conviction. I still believe that I deserve that much, that I want to be pursued, that I am worth the fight. I know and believe that because my God did so much to fight for my life and my heart and my love, I deserve the love that I dream of having.
But can I be absolutely, brutally honest, just for a moment?
