Dear Diary – Page 29 – tinamats.com

People With History

May 24, 2012May 24, 2012 Tina 17 Comments

Also known as: This was meant for the book blog, but I realized a post on friendship has a better place here :)
Also, a note: Look, I’m blogging two days in a row!
Photo credit: Ella — Thank you, thank you! :)

Sometimes, I’d like to believe that I have been lucky with my friends.

When I was a kid, I used to dream of writing a book. Not the kind of book I want to write now, but you know a non-fiction book based on friendship. I was big on finding true friends, in keeping friendships, and you know, just having these set of people you can count on whether you need them or not. I don’t know why I was so fascinated with that — maybe it’s because I don’t have a sister (but don’t get me wrong, my brother is awesome)? Maybe I read too many books and watched too many shows about friendship? I don’t really know, but I was in the search for true friends, and once I find them, I intended to keep them.

(On a sidenote, this is also probably why I can be slightly possessive with my friends sometimes. But that’s for another post.)

Anyway, last weekend, I met up with some book club friends to discuss one of my favorite contemporary young adult books ever, On the Jellicoe Road by Melina Marchetta. I was excited for this because one, this is my one of my favorite books, and two, my adopted little brother was moderating the discussion. Oh, fine, I was also excited for this because book discussions have been a highlight of my month ever since this year started, but that’s already a given, so there’s really no need to stress that. However, the days leading to the discussion weren’t really my best, with a vacation that didn’t end so well, and having my iPhone sent for repair because of an accident. I wasn’t sure if I could stay for so long there, but I was determined to at least show up and see how it goes — little time is better than no time, yes?

All Is Well

May 23, 2012May 24, 2012 Tina 2 Comments

Also known as: Lessons from a Bollywood movie

Hello. It’s been a while.

I meant to blog, I really do, but as always, life gets in the way. I’ve got a list of things I told myself I’d write about since last April, but we’re almost at the end of May and I’ve only written one post, one of which wasn’t even in the list. So if you’re one of the three readers of this blog, forgive me for being so silent in the past weeks.

Truth be told, I also don’t have much to say now. Oh, I have a list of things I know I should blog about — like getting a new toy, running with zombies, going to Boracay for the first time and that awesomely fun time I had with my book club friends last weekend (one that merits a post here instead of the book blog — that’s a big thing). I have drafts of those posts in my mind, and I can write them now if I wanted to, but that’s the thing: I kind of don’t want to.

Not yet, anyway.

Maybe it’s because my vacation wasn’t exactly the most stellar vacation I wished for (oh it was fun. It just had a series of very unfortunate events that made it a bit more memorable than I wanted it to be). Maybe it’s because I’m still in some sort of suspension now with that toy I mentioned, and the unfortunate accident that involved that and some saltwater is still fresh on my mind. Maybe it’s because the sudden lack of a certain routine that I got used to for a certain time jarred me. Maybe, it’s also because I am currently wrestling with my lungs after a sudden bout of asthma attack that’s kept me struggling for breath (literally) for the past days on a week when there are things that I want (and need) to do that does not involve going home and resting.

Ah, don’t you hate it when things like these happen? I feel trapped, and all I feel like doing is snuggling under the covers and sleeping, if only sleep can cure all these wheezes and waiting and silence these thoughts away. I just really want to lie down and do nothing. Okay, maybe throw a tiny pity party for myself for reasons I cannot even determine. I’m pretty sure this isn’t hormones, so don’t even go there.

But wait. I’m not trying to be depressing.

Last weekend, I finally sat down and watched 3 Idiots, this Bollywood movie recommended to me a few weeks ago. Now, to the people who know me, I’m not really a movie person, much less movies that aren’t, you know, from Hollywood. But because I was curious (and a previous recommendation from the same person was pretty much a hit for me), I decided to watch it. It was a fun and silly (and long) movie, but of all the lessons it had, there was one that struck me the most. If I may quote:

The heart scares easily. You have to trick it. However big the problem, tell your heart, “All is well, pal.”

*cue hand to heart*

But anyway, I wrote that line in my phone so I could think about it further after the movie was done. Of course, there were lots of instances in the movie that emphasized this point (including a seriously cheesy Bollywood dance sequence), and it provided me with a lot of material (a flood, even!), but I found myself saying that line over and over again to myself in the last days to remind myself that, Hey, all is well, pal.

I’d like to believe that it isn’t a way of deluding myself and believing things that are not what they are now. It’s not even that bad, for goodness’ sake. I guess I’m just getting a beating that I didn’t expect, but it’s not a bad, bad beating that it would pull me down. (Except maybe, if I get a really bad asthma attack all of a sudden :P For that, I have to rest a bit.)

But the point is that: whatever happens, no matter how I feel physically, emotionally, mentally (and even financially), I have to remember that all is well. Because it is. Even if it doesn’t seem like it. If it’s not, then all will be well.

Because it will be.

Right?

Twenty Six

March 17, 2012March 17, 2012 Tina 3 Comments

Also known as: Birthday thoughts

So yeah, I just turned 26. Hi.

I think I’ve just encountered my first sign of aging. I’m still exhausted from my get-together with friends last night! Ah. I invited some friends to a karaoke night as we counted down to my birthday, and I’m still exhausted. Or maybe it was because I got buzzed and had only 4 hours of sleep after before I went out again to celebrate with my family. But truth be told (and I know I’m already thinking in advance), I’m thinking maybe next year, instead of partying like that, I’ll probably just spend my birthday out of town. Or maybe even out of the country.

But like I said, that’s thinking too far in advance.

I had a very good 25th year, and I think yesterday capped it off pretty well. Like I’ve been saying, it’s been an interesting year and I will always look back fondly on my quarter year. It wasn’t easy, but it was a pretty good one. :)

I don’t really have too many thoughts about this year. But as last night winded down, I realized that I have also let go of some excess baggage I had from last year. And it feels nice to do that. Despite my exhaustion, I felt lighter. I felt free.

And maybe that’s the best birthday present I could give for myself.

I don’t have very huge wishes for my 26th year unlike last year. I don’t want to pose heavy questions for myself like last year. Not that having those questions weren’t good. This year, I just want to make it a bit simpler. This year, I’m just going to focus on the word I picked: I will LOVE.

That’s it. In my 26th year, I will love. I will learn to love. I will choose to love.

I will live loved because I have a great God. :)

Especially when that great God is a God who paints the skies in your favorite color because of His love. :)