Category: Dear Diary

Wait.

Tina 3 Comments

Also known as: I ramble because I feel like I need to post here. And some Black Saturday thoughts.

You’d think I’d write more here now that we’ve settled into the new-old house and had our Internet set up and all that. Yeah, I thought so too. But alas, life has caught up with me and I find myself not having words to write here. I’ve been busy with work, reading and generally trying to stay healthy after a slew of allergies and asthma attacks got me in the past weeks.

I wish I could regale you with more words, really, but I’m caught in this weird funk. Strangely, I can write tons about the books I read, spout random bursts of emo-ness and even attempted to write some pieces of fiction. It’s not really lost — I’m just at a loss for words here.

So excuse me for that.

On another note, Holy Week 2011 was very interesting. It was quiet, hot, and it crept up to me with surprises that got me blubbering like a grateful and loved idiot in the middle of the night during Good Friday. It’s good, remembering the story of ALL stories, and remembering that I am not just a spectator but a part of that story. Interestingly enough, I think I found this year’s lesson for me on Black Saturday, the day in the Holy Week where really, nothing happens.

I’m not sure why it resonated with me…except maybe I can relate to the nothingness of Black Saturday. To the waiting. The holding of the breath. The wondering in what happens next. I must thank Matt Maher for his Holy Week reflections, especially video #6:

[youtube xnp60uQ3EAw]

To quote:

Imagine what that must have felt like…the combination of anxiety and excitement and fear…you know, the kind of hope where you like, “I don’t even want to hope this is real because I can’t even handle the let down if it’s not.” And so…I don’t know if there are areas in your life right now where you’re kind of sick of waiting and you’re trying to find easy solutions, or you’re trying to find quick ways around the waiting. But I want to encourage you today to wait. To let those moments sit. Like they do on the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter Sunday…give yourself some space to wait, and to let God move. And I think you’ll be surprised at what He can do with a little bit of time.

That definitely made me think. Thoughts on waiting require more than one post, so I would spare you from that. Let’s just say that right now, I feel like I’m being asked to just…wait. I definitely have that feeling of “I don’t even want to hope this is real because I can’t even handle the let down if it’s not.” Believe me, I do. My defense mechanisms are starting to think of scenarios on how I’d handle that let down if it happens, and a part of me is wishing really, really hard for it to choose another way. I don’t know, really. Except for that — I’m being asked to wait. Let God move. Just like how He did on Black Saturday.

THIS.

So yeah, this may be some kind of holding pattern. So I will wait. As for what I’m waiting for…maybe I’ll share next time. Maybe.

This is Your Life

Tina Leave a comment

Also known as: More birthday realizations

So it’s the last day of March. I always feel sad when my favorite month is ending because…well, it’s my favorite month. But I also feel hopeful, because the end of March means it’s April, and April means summer, at least where I live. And despite the heat in Manila, I love summer. So yeah, March then summer? Not too bad.

Ever since that conversation with my college friends early in January, turning twenty-five has become somewhat of a big deal for me. The age itself is already a big thing, I know, but hearing from a trusted friend that major decisions in life usually come at that age…well, it’s become even more. I wish I could have prepared more for turning 25, but unfortunately, I didn’t. By prepare, I mean write journal entries, reflect and all that, but as always, work got in the way. What’s new?

My 24th year, in retrospect

It’s strange, because like my 2010, it’s kind of hard to remember. This is strange for me, because people know me as the human calendar when I was younger. But maybe, growing up stopped me from doing that — remembering every single detail. Instead, the moments blend together, moving from minutes to days to months that they just look like one big and beautiful mess. Not that I mind — life’s messy, anyway, and I know it’s not over yet.

I’d like to believe that my 24th year served to be a year where I learned how to accept changes and work with them instead of hiding from them. I had to laugh at my birthday entry last year — I was so optimistic. Not that I’m more negative this year, but you know, it’s just nice to know that what I wrote last year still rings pretty true to how I felt at the turn of my year.

So it was changes. I said I would be more open to them. In a way, I guess I am, and I’d like to believe I know more about myself and what I want (well, sort of). I know I have a great family and I have awesome friends. I know what I need to do to be okay and bounce back in the face of something bad happening.

I have been humbled so many times, and I realize again and again that I have a good God. He is good. Sometimes, even if I believe in Him, I forget that He is good. Remembering that, learning that again, taught me to trust in Him more. I still fail so many times, but I’m trying. And that’s the point, right?

My 24th year wasn’t that loud, just like my 2010 was. It went by quietly, but still beautiful in its own way. And I can’t really ask for more. :)

Hello, Twenty-Five

My 24th year’s theme song was obviously, Twenty Four by Switchfoot. As I turned 25 this year, I was thinking of what song I could use for this year. It’s not a requirement, but it’s always nice to have one, you know?

And I got it. Another one from Switchfoot.

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Welcome to Quarter Life

Tina 3 Comments

Also known as: The Twenty-Fifth Birthday Celebration

I apologize for the late post — as usual, work took over my life and it didn’t stop even during my birthday. It’s kind of stopping now, thank goodness, and I find it kind of strange that it took me up until the end of March to blog about my birthday. Usually I do that on the day itself, or at least, a few days after.

Maybe this is a sign of aging.

Anyway. My 25th birthday started a little early when I met up with one of my best friends, Happy, for a one-on-one girl talk. That’s where I got my first cake of the day, the Starbucks Cake Pop (which was awesome, by the way). I got home before midnight, and then the greetings started pouring in. :)

Cookie says "Happy birthday!"

I stayed awake a little bit more to answer some messages and answer a phone call from Dodge before going to bed. Then the real fun started.

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