Category: In His Steps

Faith

Emptied

Tina 1 Comment

Also known as: Quarter-life crisis for the new year. Sort of.

The start of the year — ever since last year, anyway — always brings this…choking feeling. It comes soon after the novelty of the new year has worn off. It’s when the optimism fades and I wrestle again with the question: what the heck am I going to do with my year? With my life?

It’s the classic case of quarter-life crisis. I think, anyway. Last year, I remember feeling almost exactly the same thing, too. Except that last year had loads more to be excited about: Europe, to name one. This year, while I admit it to having infinite possibilities once again…I just have no idea what to do. I’ve been thisclose to panic mode the past few days — it could have been because I was sick, or I was stressed, but there’s a part of me that just wouldn’t sit still. I feel like I had to do something, but I don’t know what to do. I want something to happen, but I don’t know what. And worst of all, because I don’t know anything, I’m frozen with fear where I am and I just want to hide under my covers and not get out until I figure everything out. I felt like I was ready to break down anytime.

I know, I know. I said I’m going to initiate. To take the first step. But what if you don’t know what that first step is?

But a little realization earlier. In an attempt to get moving and looking for something to look forward to (and I did promise I would start going again), I attended my first SFC chapter assembly after almost five years. It was fun, even if I left early. Since it was the first chapter assembly of the year, the sharing was about the state of our heart for 2011 and at the start of 2012. Hearing the things the others said was inspiring, not only because I miss sharing sessions like that, but because it reminded me of something that’s been a fact of my life for a while now. Something that I seem to forget sometimes most of the time.

You see, I think sometimes, God answers my prayers even if I don’t expect him to answer it. Which really makes sense since He’s God. But let me explain. You know those carelessly whispered prayers, ones you don’t consider as prayers but God hears, anyway? Anyway, every New Year, I make it  a point to pray at the stroke of midnight, to open the year with a prayer. I did the same thing this year, taking advantage of my solitude (sort of. It’s hardly silent then because of all the firecrackers outside), writing a two-page prayer on my journal while playing All Things New by Steven Curtis Chapman, my favorite New Year song.

Now if you haven’t heard the song, I suggest you go do it now. It’s a song about yes, how God makes all things new. And who doesn’t want new things for the new year, right? I know I want that.

But how can I have room for new things if I cling so much to the old things?

I don’t know if this is right…but I guess, this feeling of emptiness, of panic, of not knowing what to do, is a bit of housekeeping. Maybe, maybe, God is emptying / has emptied me / trying to empty me out so He can make all things new. So He can make me new.

2011 was a good year, and maybe a part of me is still wishing that it’s still 2011, and that I still have all that goodness with me. But I have to remind myself that God is good, and God will give what is good. How could I forget one of my favorite verses in 2011? Just because the year changed, it doesn’t mean that God has changed too.

This is the part where I take a deep breath, and tell myself to calm down. To be still, because He is God. And to be excited because I know that in my heart of hearts, I believe that God has big surprises in store for 2012. I just have to take it one day at a time.

Last. I read this post last weekend, written by one of my favorite authors, Sara Zarr ((Can I just say that I’m positively thrilled to know she writes stuff like these :D)). I thought I’d post some parts of it here too, so I can go back to this easily to remind myself. And maybe, if you’re like me, you need reminding of this too. Advent has long been over, but the message is still relevant.

Take comfort.
Everything is going to be okay; it already is.
God’s power is immense. Make way for that.

…

Joy to the world, the pressure is off.

This God, who has measured off the heavens with his fingers and held the oceans in his hands, has given us these messy and confusing lives. And also likens these messy, confusing lives to beautiful flowers. He came into the mess in a messy, confusing way, and left a confusing mess behind, and that was all exactly as he planned it.

Believing that, I can live my messy, confusing, fleeting life in total freedom. I can look back at this last year and let it be the imperfect mess that it was. I can look into next year and have no clue about what will happen next, and not try to make myself into God by writing up a thousand-item to-do list for 2012.

Because God is God, and he is with me, who is only me.

Allow me to end this post with how people in my community end their sharing (which I totally forgot about and was so happy to hear again earlier): and with this, may God be praised. :)

Yesterday

Tina Leave a comment

Also known as: Inspiration for the New Year

One of my favorite devotionals is My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers. The final entry there is one of my favorites. And now that it’s 2012, I realized I’ve never really blogged about that. So allow me to share my favorite parts in that final entry, in hopes of sharing inspiration for this new year. :)

God reminds us of the past to protect us from a very shallow security in the present…

…He will keep watch so that we will not be tripped up again by the same failures, as would undoubtedly happen if He were not our “rear guard”. And God’s hand reaches back into the past, settling all claims against our conscience…

…It is true that we have lost opportunities that will never return, but God can transform this destructive anxiety into a constructive thoughtfulness of the future. Let the past rest, but let it rest in the sweet embrace of God.

Leave the broken, irreversible past in His hands, and step out into the invincible future with Him.

Hello, 2012. :)

11 Things About 2011

Tina 4 Comments

I meant to blog last Christmas…but who blogs on Christmas? I mean, you should be with family and all that on Christmas, not blogging! But now that I’m waiting for the year to end, I figure it should be right to write an entry here now.

2011 was one of those years. If there was a theme for 2011, it’s…well, it’s kind of complicated. It’s not as bad as 2009 was, or quiet as 2010 was. It’s…different. And if I were to compare 2011 with the other years in my life, this year reminds me a lot of my 2008 and 2006, which were some of my favorite years. 2011 was kind of that, and with all the things that happened this year, I can’t even remember the others.

But it was good. This year affirmed one of my new favorite verses that I discovered this year, too: The Lord will give what is good. (Psalm 85:13) Because it’s true. The Lord really gives what is good.

So in an effort to get all these things down so I won’t forget, here’s 11 things about my 2011. :)

  1. Travel. The number one thing that I will always, always remember about 2011 were the travel opportunities I had. While I wasn’t able to visit the southern part of the Philippines, I did go to some other places around Luzon: Baguio, Pinatubo and Quezon. And of course, there was…
  2. Europe. This deserves a separate number because it was such a big thing for this year, that sometimes I can’t even believe that it actually happened. Like I said in my final Europe entry, “I know that maybe five, ten years from now (or even next year), there will probably be some other experience that will top this one (especially since I know God delights in surprising His children!), but I will never ever forget these amazing two weeks in August when I was drenched in God’s awesome grace and generosity.” Whenever 2011 comes to mind, Europe will always be the first thing. :)
  3. Concerts. I think this may be the year I went to the most concerts: Anberlin March, Switchfoot April, Mayday Parade July and Jason Mraz October. I thought I would’ve gotten to five, but there were no more artists I wanted to catch, anyway. I wonder what’s in store for next year.
  4. Home. I appreciated “home” more this time, especially when we moved back to our new-old house. Just proves how amazing and faithful God is, after giving us a new home again and giving us peace of mind in the face of the rains.
  5. I took chances. This will probably be a vague number, but just for the record, 2011 was the year I started taking chances. It’s…fun. It may not have ended the way I wanted to, but I don’t think it was a really big loss. Taking chances made me learn so many things about myself, and about life, and I am looking forward to taking more chances next year. :)
  6. I learned to ask. Similar to taking chances, I also learned to ask more this year. God is a generous God, and He delights in fulfilling the dreams of His children — and He gives what is good, remember — so I learned how to ask. And ask. And ask.
  7. I also learned how to say Yes. Well, actually, I learned that first last year, but this year, I saw it more. I saw how my “Yes” can change things, can change my life. And next year, I am going to say yes more.
  8. I also learned the power of No. I never got to write about this, but this year, I also learned about No. It was one of my important things I learned this year, from one of my favorite bloggers — our “No” makes us understand the power and the value of our “Yes”. No isn’t something to be feared, because for every No we get, we are one step closer to Yes. :)
  9. I am and will be okay. This year I learned that I am okay. That if ever I wasn’t okay, I know that I will be. That I am not too attached to the things I have now that I know I am capable of moving on. And I will be okay. :)
  10. There’s no reason to be afraid. “Courage, it is me, do not be afraid.” Because God is in everything, even in the rain, even in the things we fear and especially in things that we don’t understand. :)
  11. I am blessed with wonderful people in my life. And if somehow I forget about #9 and #10, I just have to look at the people that God has placed in my life. This year was the year of family and friends. I am blessed with a wonderful family (they never stopped being wonderful, anyway) and amazing friends, old and new. From people I have been friends with for over a year who would spend an entire night in pajamas eating food we cooked and playing the longest game of UNO cards ever, to people I can talk books with all day and night, and to people I met on a trip and got to know for two weeks who I know would always have me in their prayers and vice versa. With these people in my life, how can I ever forget how good God is?

In less than 3 hours, 2011 will be gone and it will just be a memory. Soon, we’ll be facing another year of endless possibilities, and the thought of it can be a little overwhelming. But God is already there, and He will give what is good. Remember that. :)

Happy New Year, everyone! See you in 2012. :)