Also known as:One step closer to World Youth Day in Madrid :)
I told you I’d have a reason to blog more. :)
Last night I was very, very antsy because our WYD group leader sent a message to pray for our visas which was to be released today. Last June, I was already majorly antsy about it because it was the scheduled group appointment, where our leader represented us to the embassy. I had a good feeling that we’d get the visa, but who knows, right? After the appointment, I thought we’d know already, but it turns out it won’t be until July 15.
So the waiting starts. And I pretty much put it at the back of my mind, even if I’ve been praying for it everyday. When that text message came last night to pray for 100% approval, I was worried again.
I mean, I know I have all documents submitted…but who knows right? Anything could still go wrong.
But God wouldn’t let that happen, right? I’ve come this far, why take it away?
And I was given an Australian visa 3 years ago, and I was less financially capable. So why not this one, right?
A few days ago, I had to go to a World Youth Day pilgrims meeting at the new head office of the Catholic community I’m a part of. Or maybe I should say, was a part of, because even if I am still a member, I haven’t been attending any gatherings in the past…oh, three years? You see, once you’re in the community, you’re a member forever. You can disappear, but you can be a member by name.
YFC International Leaders Conference Bacolod, 1999. Spot the girl with the dorky round glasses. :P
So anyway, it’s been ages since I last attended. I haven’t been showing up because I was busy with work, and honestly, I felt like I’ve outgrown it. See, I grew up in community — I was a member of the Catholic community my parents belonged to since I was a kid. My parents, being community elders by then, attended all sorts of elder events, dragging me along. Being the youngest, I sort of had no choice but to go and do what they say (my older brother was cut a bit of slack there). So from being in the kids ministry, I joined the youth, and…that really made my life different.
I loved being in community. It was my second home, and I met most of my closest and best friends there. Not to mention that being in community brought me closer to God, which is the real point of being in one. I wouldn’t be who I am, I wouldn’t be able to do what I do now if I didn’t spend all those years with them. Truth be told, I thought that I wouldn’t get tired of it, especially after that one year I took a break. I seriously thought I would even be working as a full time missionary, if not for the discernment and decision that led me to the corporate world.
But that doesn’t mean corporate world and community didn’t mix. Other people manage, so why didn’t I? Why couldn’t I?
Also known as:I ramble because I feel like I need to post here. And some Black Saturday thoughts.
You’d think I’d write more here now that we’ve settled into the new-old house and had our Internet set up and all that. Yeah, I thought so too. But alas, life has caught up with me and I find myself not having words to write here. I’ve been busy with work, reading and generally trying to stay healthy after a slew of allergies and asthma attacks got me in the past weeks.
I wish I could regale you with more words, really, but I’m caught in this weird funk. Strangely, I can write tons about the books I read, spout random bursts of emo-ness and even attempted to write some pieces of fiction. It’s not really lost — I’m just at a loss for words here.
So excuse me for that.
On another note, Holy Week 2011 was very interesting. It was quiet, hot, and it crept up to me with surprises that got me blubbering like a grateful and loved idiot in the middle of the night during Good Friday. It’s good, remembering the story of ALL stories, and remembering that I am not just a spectator but a part of that story. Interestingly enough, I think I found this year’s lesson for me on Black Saturday, the day in the Holy Week where really, nothing happens.
I’m not sure why it resonated with me…except maybe I can relate to the nothingness of Black Saturday. To the waiting. The holding of the breath. The wondering in what happens next. I must thank Matt Maher for his Holy Week reflections, especially video #6:
[youtube xnp60uQ3EAw]
To quote:
Imagine what that must have felt like…the combination of anxiety and excitement and fear…you know, the kind of hope where you like, “I don’t even want to hope this is real because I can’t even handle the let down if it’s not.†And so…I don’t know if there are areas in your life right now where you’re kind of sick of waiting and you’re trying to find easy solutions, or you’re trying to find quick ways around the waiting. But I want to encourage you today to wait. To let those moments sit. Like they do on the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter Sunday…give yourself some space to wait, and to let God move. And I think you’ll be surprised at what He can do with a little bit of time.
That definitely made me think. Thoughts on waiting require more than one post, so I would spare you from that. Let’s just say that right now, I feel like I’m being asked to just…wait. I definitely have that feeling of “I don’t even want to hope this is real because I can’t even handle the let down if it’s not.” Believe me, I do. My defense mechanisms are starting to think of scenarios on how I’d handle that let down if it happens, and a part of me is wishing really, really hard for it to choose another way. I don’t know, really. Except for that — I’m being asked to wait. Let God move. Just like how He did on Black Saturday.
THIS.
So yeah, this may be some kind of holding pattern. So I will wait. As for what I’m waiting for…maybe I’ll share next time. Maybe.
