Tiny Victories

I’ve had several drafts of my first post in April, but I always ended up trashing them because they don’t feel right. Granted, I was also very, very busy for the past few days that I could barely breathe. That, and I was caught in quite a cranky mood and I didn’t feel like posting when I’m in that mood.

Now that I have actually found a little bit of a breather, I find that I am actually incoherent. Then again, I have been writing all day for a work article, so quite frankly, my mental capacity is quite drained. I’m going to try, anyway. With lists, because lists are fun and easy.

But first:

Image from we heart it
Image from we heart it
  • My March ended with quite a bang, though, and it was mostly because of Holy Week and Easter and watching Jars of Clay again after eight years. It felt like the most awesome late birthday gift (among all the other gifts I received), especially since they sang most of my favorites: Tea and Sympathy, Five Candles, and Worlds Apart. It wasn’t a huge party concert that I was expecting, but I really liked the intimate atmosphere of the concert, and the company I had that night. Jars of Clay will always be in my heart. ♥
  • It feels a bit weird going back to my social media profiles now that it’s Easter. I try to not tweet too many nonsense stuff now, but I still often do when I’m bored and all. Not that it’s bad, but it feels like I turn to it when I’m bored, and it eats up a lot of my time when I could be doing something else. Something productive, or at least, would bless other people. So…I’m trying to not be too attached to Twitter. There is more to life than social media, yes?
  • I was cranky this week for several reasons, and it was kind of funny how I finally snapped out of the crankiness. I ranted about this for a while on Twitter, but I didn’t really want to offer any other information — in my attempt to enter the silence and all that. I figure it was the kind of crankiness that I just need to ride out, and you know, wait. The thing was, I had no idea how long I’d be waiting, how long I’d ride it out. Trust me, I wanted to complain so many times. And then…
  • …you know I still feel a little ashamed at how I snapped out of this crankiness. I won’t divulge details anymore, but I find it quite…juvenile And yet, it was interesting. I can’t remember where I heard it or read it, but someone said/wrote that happy people are shallow people. I don’t mean that in a bad way, but you know, happy people see happiness everywhere, and just choose to be happy. I wrote about happiness is a choice here before, and I admit that it’s still hard to really live that because I get so scared of the after. But…didn’t I wish for happiness for my birthday? Or I mean, didn’t I wish for joy? So…I’m going to choose to be joyful.
  • And speaking of waiting…after something happened, the only thing I can think of was: Lord, I know You have a lesson here somewhere. I’m not quite sure yet, but it almost feels like I am back to square one, but also not quite. I can’t quite explain it, and maybe I am not supposed to explain it just yet. I am quite thankful that I waited, though…because that something was so surprising that I can’t help but feel that God is telling me “Aren’t you glad you waited?” Yes, I am, Lord. Yes, I am. ((And did you count how many times I wrote “quite” in this paragraph? :P))
  • Enough cryptic stuff. This week is the 20th anniversary of my youth community. I came from a reunion of all YFC alumni last night and saw so many familiar faces and felt so nostalgic that I can’t help but reminisce about my years as a Youth for Christ member. I remember my post two years ago about community, and how I miss it and I’m just amazed at how everything has panned out. I won’t be the same person that I am now if I never became a YFC member, just as how I won’t be the same person I am now if I didn’t stay away for a long time and came back again. Thank You, Lord, for the blessing that is CFC Youth for Christ, and CFC Singles for Christ, too. Thank You, Lord, for giving me this home. ♥
  • I’m going to the beach tomorrow with some people at work to surf. Yes, surf. I have no idea how I’ll do, if I will love it, or if I will get wiped out n times…but I am looking forward to it. Here’s to trying new things. (Yes, I promise to try and blog about it.)

Easter is all about victories, and I realized during Easter Sunday mass that even small victories are worth celebrating. After all, Easter didn’t come with too much grandeur. We just know it’s a big thing because hey, Jesus is risen, but it didn’t need all too many flashy stuff to raise its significance. It was a quiet and solemn, and it reminded me that the little things are the ones that really count and are the most beautiful things. So it also follows that small victories would lead to big victories, right? Just like Easter.

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Filled

On the second night of the 20th SFC International Conference, I had an amazing epiphany that kind of blew me away:

I’m not empty.

One of the talks on the second night of the conference was about Emptiness, and truth be told, I was kind of expecting to be a blubbering mess by then. Or maybe not a blubbering mess, exactly, but I expected that I would shed some tears over the things that will happen on the second night, just like how I was sort of crying during the worship and session on the first night. I used to think the sign of tears is when God talks to me during conferences, so I got myself ready for the second night.

But instead of a cry-fest, I got that. I listened to the talk, took notes and then marveled as that realization dawned on me.

I’m not empty.

Not anymore.

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From sunrise to sunset

I went on night shift again when January rolled around, and while I normally don’t like the night shift because I’m a morning person, I am liking it now. One major reason is the cool weather, which my friends and I call the “Philippine winter”. I know it’s not as cold as other places, but being in a country that’s either rainy or hot (and humid) most of the time, this crisp, cool weather and clear skies is one of my simple joys.

The second thing that I like about being on night shift is I get to catch the sunrise. I rarely wake up in time for the sunrise anymore, so catching it every now and then is a blessing. While I don’t really like to bask in the sunshine before I go to bed (I find it impossible to go to bed after the sun’s rays hit me), I like seeing the sky slowly brighten from black to dark blue to purple to a lighter blue to pink and orange and all that. It’s just so pretty and glorious, and it almost feels like a warm hug.

One of the sunrise shots I have on instagram. :)

But since the nights are still long and the sun doesn’t rise until past six in the morning this time, I hardly catch the sunrise because I am usually in bed by then (I told you I don’t like being hit by the sun before I go bed). I am up in the afternoon, though and you know what I catch then? Sunsets. Gorgeous, gorgeous sunsets. :)

Sunset in Vienna. One of my favorite shots that totally took me by surprise.

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