Wait.

Tina 3 Comments

Also known as: I ramble because I feel like I need to post here. And some Black Saturday thoughts.

You’d think I’d write more here now that we’ve settled into the new-old house and had our Internet set up and all that. Yeah, I thought so too. But alas, life has caught up with me and I find myself not having words to write here. I’ve been busy with work, reading and generally trying to stay healthy after a slew of allergies and asthma attacks got me in the past weeks.

I wish I could regale you with more words, really, but I’m caught in this weird funk. Strangely, I can write tons about the books I read, spout random bursts of emo-ness and even attempted to write some pieces of fiction. It’s not really lost — I’m just at a loss for words here.

So excuse me for that.

On another note, Holy Week 2011 was very interesting. It was quiet, hot, and it crept up to me with surprises that got me blubbering like a grateful and loved idiot in the middle of the night during Good Friday. It’s good, remembering the story of ALL stories, and remembering that I am not just a spectator but a part of that story. Interestingly enough, I think I found this year’s lesson for me on Black Saturday, the day in the Holy Week where really, nothing happens.

I’m not sure why it resonated with me…except maybe I can relate to the nothingness of Black Saturday. To the waiting. The holding of the breath. The wondering in what happens next. I must thank Matt Maher for his Holy Week reflections, especially video #6:

[youtube xnp60uQ3EAw]

To quote:

Imagine what that must have felt like…the combination of anxiety and excitement and fear…you know, the kind of hope where you like, “I don’t even want to hope this is real because I can’t even handle the let down if it’s not.” And so…I don’t know if there are areas in your life right now where you’re kind of sick of waiting and you’re trying to find easy solutions, or you’re trying to find quick ways around the waiting. But I want to encourage you today to wait. To let those moments sit. Like they do on the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter Sunday…give yourself some space to wait, and to let God move. And I think you’ll be surprised at what He can do with a little bit of time.

That definitely made me think. Thoughts on waiting require more than one post, so I would spare you from that. Let’s just say that right now, I feel like I’m being asked to just…wait. I definitely have that feeling of “I don’t even want to hope this is real because I can’t even handle the let down if it’s not.” Believe me, I do. My defense mechanisms are starting to think of scenarios on how I’d handle that let down if it happens, and a part of me is wishing really, really hard for it to choose another way. I don’t know, really. Except for that — I’m being asked to wait. Let God move. Just like how He did on Black Saturday.

THIS.

So yeah, this may be some kind of holding pattern. So I will wait. As for what I’m waiting for…maybe I’ll share next time. Maybe.

I See Love

Tina Leave a comment

Also known as: Easter

With your last breath
I see love
Through your death
I see love
I see peace in the eyes of the king
I see hope in your suffering
I see a calm in the center of the storm
I see a Saviour

I see love
Light of heaven breaking through
I see grace
I see God’s face
Shining pure and perfect love
When I see you

Some see Him walking from an empty grave. ((I See Love by Steven Curtis Chapman, Mercy Me and Third Day))

This is my favorite Sunday of all Sundays. :) Alleluia. Jesus has risen! :)

There’s no place like home

Tina 6 Comments

Also known as: Moving back to our new-old house

I made sure I was free from any activities last weekend, not only because I was already running short on funds (payday is still 10 days away, sigh),  but because we were finally, finally moving back to our old house.

My family and I have lived in a one-floor house all our lives, and we were pretty okay about it. My parents didn’t feel the need to have a second floor because we’re not a big family, anyway, and even if our village is flood-prone during typhoon season in the Philippines, our street was pretty much flood-free. That all changed when Typhoon Ondoy (International name Ketsana) visited in 2009.

Our house in waist-deep (or so) flood, the morning after Typhoon Ondoy hit
Our house in waist-deep (or so) flood, the morning after Typhoon Ondoy hit

I’ve written so many posts about Ondoy in the Refine Me Vault, and it’s really no surprise. Ondoy basically changed our lives. It was the first time it flooded where we lived, and for that first time, the flood reached inside our house, forcing us to evacuate to our neighbor’s house to spend the next two nights. The security we had in our home every time a typhoon hits the country is gone. I find myself watching for every typhoon, making sure all important things are elevated, and praying everyday that there wouldn’t be any more floods.

I knew the only way I could get rid of those fears is if we would have a second floor. I was scared to find out one day that I wouldn’t be able to go home because it was flooded again in the house. I can still remember all the days we spent cleaning, how my dad had to wash so many clothes, how my brother and I had to wash and clean plates and photos, how my mom stayed up way past the time she normally stays up just washing and cleaning all our flood-damaged things. It was hard, and even if I know we were luckier than the other people, I can’t help but feel bad about what happened.

Typhoon season in 2010 came, and our house remained the same. I can still remember how many times I checked weather sites and watched for every typhoon, everyday praying for us to be spared. I remember feeling the despair when my parents couldn’t find a contractor that would fit our budget. I remember the stress of everything, knowing that my brother’s wedding is coming up on top of us worrying if we will be able to have our house renovated.

But you know what? God is faithful. I remember one day when I felt a sense of peace as I prayed. I’d like to believe that it wasn’t just me, that God was really telling me He won’t let another Ondoy happen last year because my brother is getting married. It seems silly, I know, but I held onto that, and true enough, nothing happened.

But there was more: as my brother’s wedding drew near, my parents started meeting with contractors that fit the budget and made really good plans for our house. I wasn’t really involved with it so I wasn’t sure with how it progressed, until right after my brother’s wedding, my parents started packing our things. My mom’s friend let us rent their apartment at the end of our street, and pretty soon, we were moving all our things to the tiny apartment and construction started.

That was five months ago.

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