Advent

All These Things (9): Slow Down, it’s Advent

December 7, 2015December 16, 2015 Tina Leave a comment

It took me a while to realize that November has gone by and I wasn’t able to post anything that month.Â Darn it. I was hoping to at least blog once a month this year, when I realized that I won’t be able to post as much as I used to. Not just because of life, which always gets in the way, but also because I feel like there isn’t much to write about. Here, anyway. I write a lot of emails and stuff for work, and I still struggle with my fiction writing, but writing here has been a bit slow compared to the previous years. In a way, it’s good because that means a lot of my angst (aka #hugot)Â has passed, but I also really miss writing and ruminating about life, here.

But look, it’s December. I was a little bit in denial about it last week when it finally rolled around, but I couldn’t deny that the lights were brighter and the air is cooler (my poor lungs) and my weekends are slowly being filled with parties from different groups of people. Whoa, Christmas, you’re almost here. And whoa, 2016, you’re also almost here.

Last Friday, I was at the last CFC gathering for the year and Kuya Bubi showed a video about slowing down for Christmas. How Christmas is always a stressful time for everyone because of the holiday rush, but really, Christmas – or Advent,Â rather – is a time when we shouldÂ slow down.Â Slow down so we’d have a chance to observe and participate in life. Slow down to have time with the people we love. Slow down, because Advent isn’t about rushing, and Christmas isn’t about making sure everyone has presents.Â Slow down.

My Advent last year was crazy because of work, but I remember excitedly going home so I could spend some time with my nephew, who was just two months back then. I remember finally letting my thoughts stop when I get home, as I go to their room and sit by this little boy, and listen as my breath slows down as I watch him sleep. Slow down, because grace isn’t a burden, and God comes as a babyÂ because grace is weightless.

I like that thought:Â grace is weightless.Â :)

* * *

Right Here, Right Now.

Reading

Janus Silang at ang Tiyanak ng Tabon by Edgar Calabia Samar. Friends have been raving about this, and I finally got copies at the last book fair because the books were on sale and the author was having a signing. The first time I tried reading this, I had a hard time with the Filipino, but now it’s not so hard. (Kind of funny how it’s a bit hard to read in my native language, huh.) I am enjoying this so far, and there was this one part that kind of creeped me out last night that I was almost hesitant to venture out of the bedroom to get something from the other room. Heh.

Writing

This blog post. Other than this, I have two short stories in progress and that novel. I writeÂ when I can, which isn’t much yet because I want to get all the work stuff out of the way until my vacation. 11 calendar days left!

Listening

IÂ have a Christmas playlist up on Spotify, and that’s been on repeat since December rolled around. Today, I discovered the Pentatonix’s version ofÂ Mary, Did You Know?Â and I got the chills. So good.

[youtube ifCWN5pJGIE]

Thinking

That it’s not so easy to do portion control over food again after months of…well, of not doing it. I signed up for Pickle Food Co this week, and it’s just the first day of the meal plan and part of me is already trying to distract myself from hunger. Haha! And there was this little birthday celebration at work today so I kind of cheated already. Oops. But to be fair, the food they provide is pretty filling — the containers are heavy and full of food. I’m planning to do this for 2 weeks for now because Christmas to try it out, then go back to it again by January. :)

Smelling

This essential oil of sorts that I bought from Rockwell last weekend. I forgot the name of the store, but it’s near Fully Booked. :D It’s calledÂ Breathe, which is supposed to be good for respiratory problems, like asthma. It smells very clean, and it has this little menthol kick. I think it’s helping, and I really hope it’s working because I don’t want to take too much Salbutamol for this slight wheezing I had early today.

Wishing

That vacation would come soon? Haha. To finish all the work stuff that I need to finish before vacation rolls around, really. And that my lungs would behave for the rest of the holiday season.

Wearing

And old YFC shirt and jammies, because this lola is so ready to go to bed.

Loving

That I have time again, especially after the whirlwind that is October and November! I’ll probably just write about these things in my year-end recap, but October and November were mostly for school, and Filipino ReaderCon. Now I have time again, and there are still so many exciting things that are yet to happen, like this:

We have some theater actors read excerpts from our books! Coming soon at romancepodcast.com! Subscribe, please? :) Fall Like Rain is the pilot episode. :)

Wanting

For my internet to stop acting up. It’s been weird the past weeks, and it’s starting to get annoying.

Needing

A decent author profile photo. The profile photos I use were from years ago, and this is the second time that I have to provide a high-resolution photo and I have nothing. Need to take this branding thing seriously now.

Feeling

Calm, which is saying a lot after all the stress of the past months. There’s still stuff I have to do and people to talk to and meet-ups I have to schedule. Perhaps making the decision to slow down is already the first step to, well, slow down?

December 19, 2014December 19, 2014 Tina 1 Comment

This may be the first Christmas season where I can hardly feel the spirit. Normally, I would be up to my ears buying gifts, preparing for parties, and all that at this time…but this year, I’m not. I haven’t shopped for any gifts at all, I missed thre nights of Simbang Gabi, and inside I’m really just counting down to the holiday break, because gosh darn it, I really need this break.

It seems like in the past weeks, all I’ve been doing was waiting. Waiting for the weekend, waiting for the time I can go home, waiting for a meeting, waiting for an event, waiting for the holiday break, waiting for things to end. As if all those waiting wasn’t enough, now I’m waiting even some more to hear some feedback for some important things, which has kept me very, very antsy in the past days, so much that there has been a heavy feeling in my heart that I have been fighting off if I want to get things done.

I’m not really a stranger to waiting. Romantically, I have been waiting for a huge chunk of my life, and I am still waiting. I wait a lot in lines in banks, or tricycle terminals, and all that. I should be used to that, but whenever I am faced with a new kind of waiting, it seems like I do not know how wait again. I want things to happen my way, and I want them now. If not now, then as soon as possible.

I kind of hate that it has to happen now, when it’s supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year.

But then again, liturgically speaking, it’s not the Christmas season yet. We’re still smack in the middle of Advent. And Advent means a time of expectant waiting and preparation for the coming of Jesus.Â Yes, it is joyful, but it is more of a joyful expectation, where the coming of our Savior is so close but at the same time, it feels so far.

And so we wait.

And wait.

And it’s so frustrating.

Sometimes I get so caught up with all my worries and I don’t sit still, and I worry so much. I lost count at how many times I repeated this to myself: Stop worrying. You already prayed for it, and God has heard you.

But like I said, sometimes I want some things so much, and I want them now.

Be patient, my good friend, previous manager, and sort-of mentor told me the other day when I talked to him about what was happening to me recently. I wasÂ thisclose to panicking, and I was feeling so pressured and so scared that I wouldn’t get what I want. But he calmed my fears and repeated:Â Be firm, be nice, be humble, and be patient. It will all work out fine.

What did I write last year? With God, no waiting is ever wasted.

This may be God’s way of letting me understand what Advent really means, and to prepare me for Christmas in a whole new way.

And so I wait.

I ask for the grace to sit still, and for the courage to be patient. Jesus is on His way, and everything will work out fine. God has always been faithful, and He will be faithful, and I believe He has heard my prayer and He will only give me what is best.

So I wait.

Christmas Eve

December 24, 2013December 24, 2013 Tina 1 Comment

I don’t know about you, but I always feel a certain kind of magic in the air the moment Christmas Eve rolls around. It may be because it’s the last morning that I have to wake up at a very early hour for Dawn Mass ((Misa de Gallo)), or because it’s a non-working holiday and I can finally (sort of) rest, or because I can finally open the presents waiting for me under the tree ((At least, this year, I promised not to open any present until Christmas. It was kind of sad that I didn’t have any more presents to open last year when Christmas came, so now I’m working on my EQ. :P)). Or maybe, maybe it’s because Advent is all about waiting, and Christmas Eve somehow feels like it’s the end of all the waiting for this season. Christmas is tomorrow, friends!

But can you imagine this: what if it’s just Christmas Eve…forever?

I’d talk about Groundhog Day here, but since I haven’t watched that movie (Don’t hate me!), I’ll go for something a little more familiar to me. There’s this Sweet Valley Twins book with the same idea, where Jessica was stuck in Christmas Eve for several days because she was so self-absorbed and ruined everyone’s Christmas. The only way she can get out is if she makes it right on that day, and eventually, she did break that time loop, with a bigger heart for Christmas and everyone else around her.

How frustrating it must be, to keep on waking up on the same day, never reaching that day you have been waiting for.

Even more frustrating, is how sometimes we thought we did things right, but end up still stuck in some kind of Eve, never arriving to where we wanted to be.

Sometimes, it feels like life is like that. We wait for something for a long time, and then when you thought it’s already here, it turns out it’s not. And you end up having to wait some more. And more. Sometimes we want to give up on waiting, so we do things: we try to make it come earlier by celebrating earlier, we distract ourselves with other things that require less waiting. Sometimes, we pretend it doesn’t matter. Sometimes we get tired of the waiting that we just give up.

Sometimes, it feels like we’re stuck at the Eve and we would never get to the Day.

But the thing about Christmas, and Christmas Eve, is that we are assured of the promise that Christmas will arrive. That the Messiah will come. No, wait, scratch that — that the Messiah has come, and He is born, and that God is already with us. All the waiting, the anticipating, and the frustrations come to a halt when Christmas morning comes, because Jesus is born. The prophecy has come true. God’s promise is here.

Emmanuel. God is with us.

I think one of God’s reminders for us today is to trust in His faithfulness. It may seem like we are and we have been waiting forever, like we’re stuck in some sort of Eve all our lives. But remember Christmas. Remember that day when God came down to the world for us, and becameÂ one of us. We have been waiting for a long time, but we have a God who is true to His word, and with Him, our waiting is never wasted.

O come, Thou Dayspring from on high,
and cheer us by thy drawing nigh;
disperse the gloomy clouds of night
and death’s dark shadow put to flight.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel!

Have a blessed and joyful Christmas, everyone!