brutally honest moment – Page 11

Do you remember the very first week of September?

September 14, 2012March 1, 2013 Tina 4 Comments

Also known as: The rollercoaster first week of September

September came and well, it kind of knocked me silly.

I was very glad when September came around because August was crazy busy. For one thing, I hardly had any sleep because I kept on changing shifts, so going back to a semi-normal shift was a very welcome thing. It wasn’t a bad month, per se, except that it had a lot of…changes that I had to deal with for the first time, coming from the previous month. I think August was the month where I had the most entry drafts here but most of them didn’t get past and posted…because…well, I just don’t feel like it should be posted here.

I really don’t want to post something too personal here, despite this being called a personal blog, because…well, I know people I know in real life read this. ((*waves* Hi guys!)) I try to filter the posts here based on what I think too personal or not, especially since I don’t really want to cause friction or anything. Or you know make some things awkward because I wrote something here about something in real life for public consumption. ((A friendly reminder: if you read my blog and we know each other in real life, don’t tell me you read my blog. Or when I tell you something that I’ve written here, pretend you haven’t read it. You know, act surprised. :P))

Which, now, mentioning it, makes me feel awkward. Hrm.

But I digress. When September came, I breathed a sigh of relief because it was finally, finally a new month. I liked new months because it means another beginning. I even started September well — I took the time off to be with myself, pampered myself and you know, just allowed myself to be enjoy my own company. Then the first week came and suddenly, I was all, Wait a minute.

I thought of narrating the events of my first week of September, but then I realized it might break my personal privacy thing. So instead, I’ll just write about the things I learned, because they’re more important than the events itself. So, the first week of September 2012 taught me the following:

Relax

August 24, 2012June 17, 2013 Tina 5 Comments

Also known as: On relaxing. And…chilling out

I have a problem with my mind sometimes: it runs too fast.

I wonder if it’s possible to invent something that could turn off certain parts of the brain the moment it starts to over think. I swear I’ll be the first one to get that.

* * *

Sometime two weeks ago I had a legit asthma attack because of stress. It wasn’t even the kind of work-related stress, which was a good and lovely and valid reason if you ask me. It was something a lot more…shallow. And really unnecessary because I brought the stress upon myself, and when things finally cleared later on, it was all for nothing.

I was so annoyed at myself then. I hated how the moment I saw that cause of stress, my mind went a mile a minute, leaving me scrambling behind and unable to catch it. I went from Point A to Point…I don’t know, S? in a matter of seconds. And what I thought, I cannot un-think. It was just so annoying because I just totally stressed myself out.

It sucks.

And with that stress, comes some kind of fear. The one that stops me cold, and just made me wish that I could burrow somewhere and hide, because I don’t think I can handle it if my fears were true, and I wasn’t even sure what exactly I was afraid of. No wonder I got an asthma attack.

With that, my friends usually tell me one thing:

Relax.

Of course…it takes me a while to do that.

The Question that Matters

August 7, 2012August 8, 2012 Tina 2 Comments

Also known as: Because I need this reminder ~~until further notice~~

When I started staying in the dorm back in college, I experienced what my college friends and I called “liberating moments”. I was an achiever back in high school, so getting good grades were pretty easy, but in college it became ten times harder so I became one of your average Janes as far as grades are concerned. I managed to keep my head above water during my first two years. Sure, I had two failing marks, but they were because the subjects were just so difficult. Then I started dorming and I noticed that I seemed to care less about my studies and more about org stuff and fun times.

Then I saw my midterm grade for Biology, a minor subject — it was a failing mark. And it shook me out of my liberating moment. So, in an effort to get serious, I decided to hang some signs at the dorm that said: I LOVE BIO. Then on my laptop, I switched the wallpaper from something cutesy to a black, plain one that states: MAG-ARAL KA. ((Translation: YOU SHOULD STUDY. Or better yet, STUDY NOW.))

I think it worked, because I passed Bio. The next term I switched to another wallpaper, this time it said,I’m too blessed to be stressed, because I had too many activities ongoing for me then.

So, after that long introduction, I realize that I should do something like that now so I would remember the One question that I really need to answer now:

Do you trust Me?