brutally honest moment – Page 8

The Year of the Brave

January 5, 2013January 24, 2013 Tina 10 Comments

At the stroke of midnight on 2013, I posted this on my different social media accounts: Happy new year everyone! 2013 is the year of the brave!

One of my online friends asked me, What do you mean by “year of the brave”? Well, friend, here’s your answer.

In 2012, I decided to choose a word for my year in hopes of battling my quarter-life emptiness that hit me a few days into the year. I chose a word because I was honestly grasping at straws, and I want my life to point to some kind of direction. I chose love not because I was desperate to have a word, any word — in fact, I had a lot of choices, but it was love that jumped out at me and I stuck to it, and tried to live it out. They say a word is a powerful thing and it can change a lot. Perhaps they were right, because when I look back at 2012, I think it was filled with love, coming from expected and unexpected places. And like I said in my recap post, I think 2012 was the year where I learned so much about love (and trust, and heart, and all that).

When December rolled around, I started thinking of a word that I will claim for 2013. I was toying on the word trust, because I also learned so much about it in 2012, so why not just take that and run away with it, right?

But there was another word that kept poking at me, that kept dancing around the edges, stepping across the line and looking at me boldly, as if daring me to declare it as my word. I resisted at first. To be brutally honest, I was scared of that word. It was an ironic reaction, given that the word is essentially the opposite of being scared, but I. Was. Scared. Absolutely terrified.

I was letting my fears get ahead of me. But at the same time, I felt that I could not deny the hold that the word had on me. After everything that happened in 2012, after all the lessons I learned, I felt that I would be cheating myself if I chose another word. I felt that I would be taking the easy way out, and I didn’t want that. 2012 was a good year, and I felt that 2013 will be a good one, too. But I have to stand up and claim it. I have to be intentional about it.

So with a pounding heart and shaky knees and the air full of smoke from all the fireworks, I stood up on December 31, and declared: 2013 is the year of the brave.

My word for 2013 is COURAGE.

2013: Courage

Dear 2013 Self

December 31, 2012May 6, 2014 Tina 2 Comments

So instead of posting my usual 2012 recap at the end of the year, I thought of something different. I thought I’d write myself a letter. Or my future, end-of-2013 self a letter. Remember when I said that letters changed my life this year? Well, I’m holding onto that thing again up to the last few minutes of 2012. I’ve written letters to several people (known and unknown) this year, so this time I am going to write to myself.

I can’t promise that this won’t be dramatic. But like I said a few weeks ago: time to embrace your inner romantic.

Happy new year, everyone. :)

* * *

December 31, 2012

Dear (end-of-2013) Tina,

Hello from your December 31, 2012 self! Happy new year to you, and I hope that the end of 2013 finds you well.

I suppose this is cheating, writing to you in a place where you can easily go back to it and read it. Letters like this are supposed to be kept in time capsules or sent after some time through email from websites that do just that. However, I believe that posting things like this is public is a way to be accountable, and I still have that hope that baring my (our) soul to the world at certain times will also help a fellow soul who needs to read some words to lift themselves up.

I really, really hope that 2013 was good for you, for us. Whether it was a good year or bad, I know that you will be looking forward to 2014, just as you always do. You have always liked something new, and you have always appreciated having a fresh start. If it wasn’t such a good 2013, then I hope that you will find the strength to move on and start anew, and if it was a good 2013 (oh, I hope it was!), then I hope you will find the grace to let go of the past and look forward to the future.

And because I kind of want to avoid rambling, five things your past self would want you to remember as you go into another new year.

2012 Mixtape

December 12, 2012December 12, 2012 Tina 2 Comments

Also known as: The requisite 12-12-12 post
Can also be called: My 2012 soundtrack

I am a sucker for dates like this, so I cannot let 12-12-12 pass by without posting something at exactly 12:12. ((if it’s exact by the second, I do not know, because WordPress doesn’t have that by the second setting. So let’s just assume that it was posted at exactly 12:12:12)) I was thinking of something inane to post, something random like my Leap Day post, and then I realized that I should probably start my 2012 recaps early because who knows how busy I will be by year-end?

I’m gonna go all hipster and make my 12-12-12 post a mixed-tape / my 2012 soundtrack post. But a side note first: You know I never really made mixed-tapes when I was younger? :D I made mixed CDs, yes, but I never made mixed-tapes. I did, however, record shows and songs from the radio especially when I liked the songs — I remember this time when I recorded Backstreet Boys’ version of I’ll Never Find Someone Like You and listened to it over and over and over and over again.

But I digress. I’m far from a musical person, really, and I only sing when I am forced to/bored/really feeling the song. However, I am almost, always listening to something when I am free. It may be a defense mechanism so I won’t have to talk to anyone when I’m outside, but more often than not, I listen to songs so keep my mind from wandering everywhere. I have yet to learn keeping my mind still in the silence, but for now, let me have my music.

2012mixedtape — [original image from we heart it]

So for this post, my first recap for 2012, I have 12 songs that will remind me of 2012 every time I listen to them. ((Or you know, some songs I played on repeat at certain times during the year.)) It’s not necessarily one song per month, even if it may seem like it. ((My research tells me that in January, I was still listening to some leftover 2011 songs that I should’ve let go when the year started. :P))

Also, warning: lots of ~feelings~ in these songs. Haha. :P You were warned!

1. There is a Reason by Caedmon’s Call (Overdressed)

[youtube uK8VyNB3_mg]

For the lonely nights and broken hearts
The widow’s mite in the rich man’s hand
And the continent whose blood becomes a traitor
For the child afraid to close their eyes
The prayers that seem unanswered
There is a reason, there is a reason

If I made a similar post last year, this song would be on that list, too. This song reminds me that…well, there is a reason for everything, and God makes all things good.