growing up – Page 12 – tinamats.com

“Courage, it’s me. Do not be afraid.”

August 7, 2011August 7, 2011 Tina 4 Comments

Also known as: Seeing God in the rain

I know I said I’d blog more, but I didn’t. But now I am, so yay!

Last week, we experienced another one of those super heavy rains that was caused indirectly by a typhoon, directly by an increasingly weird weather system here in the country because of global warming (so they say). It was the second time that it happened in this rainy season, but the difference this time around was I was still at home when the deluge of rain hit. I also just recovered from a 48-hour bug that rendered me sleeping all weekend and a mother of all headaches caused by an ear infection. As if that wasn’t enough, I was also worried about all the things I need to prepare for my upcoming pilgrimage, and being stuck at home for another day is not really the best way I see myself preparing.

So naturally, I was semi-freaking out that Tuesday because of so many things. Funny how I always freak out before settling down for my daily prayers. Of course, the Gospel just had something for me that day:

As soon as the meal was finished, he insisted that the disciples get in the boat and go on ahead to the other side while he dismissed the people. With the crowd dispersed, he climbed the mountain so he could be by himself and pray. He stayed there alone, late into the night.

Meanwhile, the boat was far out to sea when the wind came up against them and they were battered by the waves. At about four o’clock in the morning, Jesus came toward them walking on the water. They were scared out of their wits. “A ghost!” they said, crying out in terror.

But Jesus was quick to comfort them. “Courage, it’s me. Don’t be afraid.”

(Matthew 14:22-27)

Stress on this, please?

Â But Jesus was quick to comfort them. “Courage, it’s me. Don’t be afraid.”

It’s funny how often I forget that even the rains come from God. And even if it is a deluge of rains or caused by global warming, or brought by a typhoon, it is still from Him, and He is infinitely more powerful than any of that. And even in all that hardship and destruction and wet feet and commuting pains, God is in all of that. And because of that, there really is no reason to be afraid.

Taking a step further, if God is all-knowing, all-seeing and just basically in control of everything, then I can imagine Him saying that to me all the time, in every uncertainty in life: Courage, it’s Me. Don’t be afraid.

Like last week, when I’m having all these weird sick feeling after recovering from the weekend, and I know I can’t be sick because I’m flying to Europe soon. I’m scared and worried. Courage, it’s Me. Don’t be afraid.

Or when I am worried with the things I’m leaving for my two-week trip. I don’t know how to handle everything. Courage, it’s Me. Don’t be afraid.

Or when I am faced with the possibility of something BIG, something I have never encountered in my quarter-life existence, a possibility of something I’ve been praying for for the longest time, but the very thought of it scares me silly that I just want to run and hide. Courage, it’s Me. Do not be afraid.

So why should I be afraid when everywhere I turn, there is God? And no matter how bad everything is, no matter how undesirable the circumstance, and even if it is a good and new and exciting thing, He assures me that He is in every little thing that surrounds me, and because of that, I have no reason to fear? God is bigger and stronger and more powerful than anything else in this world, and yet He chooses to comfortÂ me and remind me that it is Him and there is no reason to be afraid — I don’t know about you, but that makes me feel loved and humbled at the same time.

Take heart. It’s Him. Do not be afraid. :)

Pero enseguida JesÃºs les dijo: â€œTengan Ã¡nimo, soy Yo; no teman.â€ (Mateo 14:27, nblh)

Community

June 12, 2011June 12, 2011 Tina 8 Comments

Also known as: On Missing Community

A few days ago, I had to go to a World Youth Day pilgrims meeting at the new head office of the Catholic community I’m a part of. Or maybe I should say, was a part of, because even if I am still a member, I haven’t been attending any gatherings in the past…oh, three years? You see, once you’re in the community, you’re a member forever. You can disappear, but you can be a member by name.

community01 — YFC International Leaders Conference Bacolod, 1999. Spot the girl with the dorky round glasses. :P

So anyway, it’s been ages since I last attended. I haven’t been showing up because I was busy with work, and honestly, I felt like I’ve outgrown it. See, I grew up in community — I was a member of the Catholic community my parents belonged to since I was a kid. My parents, being community elders by then, attended all sorts of elder events, dragging me along. Being the youngest, I sort of had no choice but to go and do what they say (my older brother was cut a bit of slack there). So from being in the kids ministry, I joined the youth, and…that really made my life different.

I loved being in community. It was my second home, and I met most of my closest and best friends there. Not to mention that being in community brought me closer to God, which is the real point of being in one. I wouldn’t be who I am, I wouldn’t be able to do what I do now if I didn’t spend all those years with them. Truth be told, I thought that I wouldn’t get tired of it, especially after that one year I took a break. I seriously thought I would even be working as a full time missionary, if not for the discernment and decision that led me to the corporate world.

But that doesn’t mean corporate world and community didn’t mix. Other people manage, so why didn’t I? Why couldn’t I?

Pack up and move on

June 11, 2011June 11, 2011 Tina 3 Comments

Also known as: On being okay

I was talking to a friend earlier and she told me about how things turned south with this guy she was pseudo-dating ((“Pseudo”, they never got to the point of defining the relationship)). She has been increasingly annoyed at how the guy was always late when they’d meet up, or how he’d send her a message at weird times, or how he would cancel their plans (or pseudo-dates). I feel her frustration, because I hate those things too. But still, I told her to chill and relax, and see where this thing goes — why throw a possibility away, right? Then just recently, the guy invited her to go with him to his place. Hello, deal breaker.

Of course, the guy could have been just friendly, you know? It could be a totally innocent invitation to get to know my friend. But still…he could get to know her outside, you know. Why allow yourself to get into temptation?

So that was the end of that guy for her. We were talking and I told her, it’s time to “pack up and move on”. While it was good while it lasted, it was time to move on. There are and will be other guys out there.

That sounded like such a flippant answer, don’t you think? Pack up and move on, there are other guys out there. How sure am i about that?

I’m not. But just recently, I was talking to another friend of mine, and we were talking about our “non-relationships”. You know, those sort-of-relationships that were never really anything because it always falls apart before it even becomes anything. The “looks like it’s there, but there’s nothing at all” things we get ourselves into. Admit it — we’ve all fallen into that…thing. And even if nothing really happened and I’m sure the pain from the fallout of these non-relationships is nothing like a break-up, it still hurts like [insert a comparison here — feel free to be as explicit as you want]. Unanswered questions, unrequited love. It hurts, and sometimes it feels like it’s the end of the world.

Sounds exaggerated? Tell that to someone who’s never been in a relationship in his/her life, to someone who’s been hoping and waiting and praying, to someone who’s decided to risk his/her heart and end up getting crushed. It may not match the pain of a break-up ((I don’t know how it feels, so I can’t answer that really)), but it hurts.

But I digress. Like I said, I was talking to a friend, and I told her an epiphany I had a few months back:

You get to a point in your life when things with a certain someone don’t work out, you know you’ll be okay. It will hurt, yes, but you know you’ll be okay. You can move on. You’ll bounce back. And you won’t be (that) bitter. And you know that somewhere down the road, there will be someone else. And maybe it will work out with them. But if it doesn’t, then you’ll still be okay.

I find this epiphany really empowering, because in my case, I know it’s true. I can feel it in my bones, in my heart. I know I am capable of moving on. I can’t do it alone, of course, but I know it will be okay. I will be okay. This doesn’t excuse me from stupid decisions, but it gives me a chance to destroy my walls (somewhat) and gives me a bit more freedom to take a risk. Not only in love, but life in general. It will probably hurt sometimes, it will be definitely messy, and it will suck sometimes, but I’d like to believe it’s worth it. It will make me a better person.