“I have a question.” I said to my best friend one day some time after my brother’s wedding. We were walking down Maginhawa Street in UP Diliman in search for a restaurant aptly named Gayuma ni Maria. I say “apt” because of the nature of my question then.
“Shoot.”
I told him the story of a friend who got back with an ex who broke up with her because he wasn’t ready for a commitment yet. However, the guy seemed to change his mind and decided to pursue her again but not in the same pursuit fashion that I qualify as a real pursuit. Anyway, she said yes and they’re back together and it had me a bit baffled, so I knew I had to discuss that in length with someone who knows better. “I can’t really understand why she’d get back with him after he told her that,” I remember saying. “I mean…why did he even pursue her if he wasn’t ready for a commitment? And why did he even try again so soon — how sure was she that he’s ready now?”
“Uh-huh.” It was all my best friend could say because he knew I still had stuff to say. And he was right.
“But she’s happy,” I said with a small sigh. “And I know that’s important. More important. I just don’t get it. Is this something I don’t understand because I haven’t been there yet?”
My best friend nodded thoughtfully. “Well, probably. It is very different when you’re in the relationship. And…well, relationships are messy. It’s never black and white.”
“Mostly gray, right?” I said, then laughed. “Strike one for the single since birth, I guess.”
You know what is the most useful thing that people make for Christmas and birthdays (and sometimes, even Valentine’s Day)? Wish lists. While I always appreciate surprises and people who know me so well that they know what to give me without having to rely on any wish list, I find that it’s always fun (and helpful) to make a wish list. Because at some point, people do consult this, and sometimes I end up getting them on my own.
I meant to post this earlier, but work ate up my time and by the time I get home, I’m too tired to open any of my computers and all I want to do is read and rest. The rest of the week flew by in a blur, too, and honestly, I just wanted to sit and read, which I have been doing all weekend (instead of cleaning my closet, oops!). I apologize.
But before anything else: belated happy Valentine’s day! :)
Thanks, Dodge! :)
Here’s the one most important thing I learned from this year’s Valentine’s day: if you ask, it will come. Or, to use Jesus’ words, ask and it will be given to you.
It’s funny because I realized I never really asked because it sounds desperate. Especially on Valentine’s Day, when I’ve always had some kind of bitter streak going up until I decided not to be bitter (I’ve told the story here). But even so, I never asked. I figured a really good guy should know to get flowers (or something) for girls, particularly his colleagues if he’s a part of a team. It’s just the nice thing to do, right?
Wrong. Expectations, much? While it’s not necessarily bad to want gifts, sometimes people can just be…clueless. Particularly guys who are not really in love with his girl friend. And knowing guys, they probably forgot that it was the 14th.
So I asked. There’s nothing wrong with asking. I think there’s something really humbling about asking. I’m not the type of person who asks much. As much as I don’t ask questions, I also don’t usually ask for help unless I really, really need it. Asking, whether it’s for material things or help, reminds me to be connected to other people, even if it’s just through a blog or a tweet. Asking reminds me that I can’t make it here in this world alone, and I need other people. And asking also shows that other people need you too, in their way of responding to you, and to see you happy makes them happy, too.
To make the long story short, I got what I asked. Welcoming me at work was a red balloon from Earl the Pearl, and my email inbox received that sunflower image from Dodge. I had a fun lunch date with my teammates (OMG Thai food ♥), got an awesome, awesome gift from one of my favorite authors, got myself flour-less chocolate brownie from Starbucks, and was surprised by my brother and sister-in-law with a balloon bouquet. My brother and sister-in-law dropped me home, too, and that just really topped my day. :) Valentine’s Day almost felt like it was my birthday with all the excitement and surprises. All I could think of at the end of the day was Thank You, Lord.
Because that’s really where it ends, you know? Where it ends and where it begins. At the end of the day, I’d like to believe that God was happy because I was happy. I can’t remember where I read it, but I know that God takes pleasure in answering our prayers. And Valentine’s Day proved that to me, for the umpteenth time in my life. :)
* * *
I was reading my Valentine’s Day entries in the past years and I just had to laugh. I alternate between bitter to jaded to sometimes maybe sickeningly hopeful and optimistic. It’s kind of fun to see how different I was every year, and it’s made me think of what will make this year different than the others.
I was listening to Boundless Podcast # 159 the weekend before Valentine’s Day and I had to laugh at how much I can relate. In the past years, I stuck to the “waiting” and encouraging myself on the waiting because I know I’m not yet ready. I know that as much as I think being in a relationship may be sweet, I don’t really want it just yet. Last year I learned how to be alone and be happy. This year, as Valentine’s Day rolled around, I wondered what could I learn from this year’s Valentine’s Day ((Yes, I am kind of crazy like that — I like making resolutions and realizations from even the most inane “holidays”)).
