In my first ever attempt at NaNoWriMo in 2004, I named my main character Hope. There’s no real reason why, except I thought it sounded good, but as I started getting to know her as a character, I started to feel that she really lived her name, despite the things I made her go through.
Tonight, I think about Hope.
I meant to post this last Thursday, but life got in the way. Now as I finish typing this entry sleepily, I think of all the things that happened since Thursday up to now, and I think about hope.
I think about hope. Not my character, but the actual feeling that I named her after. I’ve been thinking about hope for a while now, after I read an email from a lovely friend. I look at hope and ponder it, put it up against the light, chew on it and try to see how it fits in my life now, and how much of it fits now. I feel it, but I’m also somewhat wary about it…but a bigger part of me now is thinking that maybe…hope isn’t such a bad thing. I think about hope, and how it seems like it’s such a lovely thing now, with how it can lift you up even if it can shatter you to pieces in some ways. I think about hope, and how having it and holding onto it can be cruel sometimes, but not having it is just as bad — or perhaps even worse.
Tonight, I think about hope. And tonight, I find myself thankful for the things and people that remind me that there’s so much to be hopeful for in this world. I think about hope, and realize that I am blessed to have never run out of it, even in the darkest times.
I see hope in my family, and upcoming plans, and spending Christmas together. I see hope in my co-workers, and how we all try to pull together and support each other in the midst of challenging times. I see hope in my mentor, who showed passion in the things she does. I see hope in my friends in the community, with how they strive to give their all for God. I see hope in my friends, with the different adventures and food trips, and seemingly random conversations that cheer me up, help me see clearly, and keep the blinders off.
I see hope in my co-tutors, with their love for the kids and for the service, and how being with them inspires me to be a better tutor, too. I see hope in my tutee, who is learning and learning, and how exciting it is to see him improve and learn.
I see hope in words, and in writing, in friends reaching their goals and going after their dreams. I see hope in working harder to make some of my longtime dreams come true, too.
I see hope in big and small plans — for myself and for my friends. In the little excitements, and the big ones, and in the possibilities that are with those plans.
I see hope in the sunshine, in the heat. I see hope in the rains, and in the laughter in the middle of the thunderstorm.
I see hope in friendships forming, friendships that remained, and friendships mending – it takes time, but I also see hope in time and how it passes. I see hope in the quiet, in how God stills my heart, and how He keeps on speaking to me in the silence.
Tonight, I think about hope. And tomorrow, I will still think of hope, and I will let it sit in my heart, a little bit at a time. I will think of hope, and I will hope, because hope keeps me going, and it will bring me places.
I see hope, and I see courage in hoping, and allowing hope to thrive.
Hope is not the absence of tragedy, my friend. It is the conviction that tragedy can be endured. Hope is the spark in you that is not subdued in the face of the vast and callous indifference of the universe. Hope is that which is not shattered by hardship. Hope is the urge to fight what is wrong even when you know it will destroy you. Hope is the decision to love and need someone knowing that they will one day die. For me to promise that there are no obstacles would be the cruelest lie I could possibly tell. That lie is not hope. Hope is the will which needs no lies. (Travis Beacham)
Lots of thanks to Isa for inspiring this post, and for sharing that last quote. :) Belated happy birthday, dearest! :)
