Also known as: A Valentine’s Wish List …because I can make one.
So it’s Valentine’s Eve. I wish I could say that I’m one of those people who don’t really make a big deal out of Valentine’s Day…but I’m not. I used to make a big deal out of it because I’m so bitter about my lack of a romantic life. Despite my seemingly happy disposition, I realize that most of my teenage angst comes from this part of my life, or the lack of it. Proof, circa 2004:
I’m sorry for being bitter this early already, but I don’t want to be involved in anything like that, unless it’s for me. –; Call me selfish, but my materialistic side is protesting big time and the cup of unsweetened coffee is going to spill all over me (uh, did you get the metaphor there?) before you can say “Valentine’s Day”. I’m sorry, but I just can’t take all the smooching and “making someone else feel special” on Valentine’s Day if I’m not one of them. Yes, this is the bitter side of me.
Gah. I don’t want to complain to them about it or even crack a joke about it, because they’d tell me it’s okay — but it’s not. They have been where I am, but they magically forget the feeling when they’re not in the same situation anymore. Perhaps they’re telling me it’s okay with them, but it’s not okay with me.
See. Bitterness. Let’s all laugh at myself, shall we?
But I’ve long made a decision that I would not be bitter on Valentine’s Day. Being bitter is too emotionally exhausting. Plus I don’t know what point being bitter on February 14 wanted to prove anyway, except maybe that you’re…well, bitter. I’d rather be with the multitudes that wear red that day than wear black and explain why I am wearing that. Besides, it’s more fun to dress up and just enjoy the 14th for what it is instead of going “woe-is-me”, regardless of your relationship status.
Trust me, I’ve been doing that for almost 5 years.
Of course I still feel lonely. I’ve told my friends that the days leading to Valentine’s Day is usually the time when I’m most emotionally vulnerable, and yes, still bitter. I’m just glad that this year, I have less access to TV so I don’t have to watch those Valentine’s specials and I am mostly occupied by work, so I did not have much time to think about it. But why focus on that loneliness? And at the same time, why make the 14th pass by like it’s nothing when you can use it as an excuse to dress up and feel special, give your friends a little token and make other people smile? Yes, you can do that on any other day, but why not capitalize on a commercialized “holiday”, right?
So this year, I’m going to do just that. Being single actually gives me time to do fun things for the 14th and come up with silly lists like this. Because I still can ((And this is my blog so I can post what I want :P)). There’s nothing wrong with coming up with a Valentine’s wish list, right? ;)
All I want for Valentine’s is…
And maybe this list can help you do something nice to your other friends, too. :)